I feel really bad about myself. My self-esteem/confidence is so low that I dislike myself for being like this. When people tell me about my wrongs that I already know, it makes me feel even worse. I'm so pathetic.
I don't like to be alone. I feel insecure sometimes. I enjoy acceptance. Rejection makes me scared. I want to be loved and protected. I want to find someone who makes me feel like I am amazing. However, every guy I've met makes me feel like crap. Maybe afterall, it is my problem.
When they used to say, it is not your fault.. He's just a jerk. But after several guys, it makes me think.. Maybe it is my problem. It's so fustrating too because I don't know my problem.
I hate the feeling of getting pushed away. I feel more and more out of control these days.
What is wrong with me? So many unnecessary thoughts run through my mind.
I am jealous. I am jealous of couples who love each other. I am jealous of singles who can cope well. I am jealous of singles who are having fun. I am jealous of kids who doesn't give a damn. I am jealous of the guys who gets away easy.
My hunger for having someone has grown so strong.. It is SO hard to keep in mind what I had in mind in September. What were my plans? I don't remember them anymore. I am living without any restrictions..
I've become this boring and needy person..
I feel so shit about myself..
Every time..
Every time it's like this...
I am starting to remember why I don't want to accept another person again..
Love never wanted me
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