Girls are so scary

This particular girl has been spreading really bad rumours about me..
and somehow she makes herself sound like the victim..
she seems like she knows about my personal life a lot that it creeps me out..
what does she have against me..?
I'm kind of scared..
what are other people gonna think of me now..

girls are so scary..

Real people

People who are willing to stick out for you when you really need them is hard to find.
I think it's even harder to find them in University. I'm happy that I've met a really close bunch of people in High School and I don't think I can find any replacements of them.
For me there are four types of friends: Friends that I can do ANYTHING and EVERYTHING with, study buddy friends, friends who I can talk to and friends who I can hang out and chill, but not close enough to tell them what I think.

I have quite a few study buddy friends. They are just there for homework help and etc. I can't see them as friends that I want to party with. The fun chemistry isn't there. It's not that I can't act stupid around them, it is that I chose not to. I don't feel like it.


I have a lot of friends who I can hang out and chill with. But of course, there are some I choose to hang out more than others. They are fun having around. Would they really stick out for me when I need them? Do they really care if I'm sad or just simply tell me to get over with it?

There are few friends that I can talk to. I tell them everything. But they are just there for mental support. They are really good friends. Besides that we have a different lifestyle.

I love my besties because they are all that combined. I don't think I have settled with one bestfriend in my entire life. I think I have several bestfriends because they are equally important to me. I think they would be the only one who will really put their words into actions for me. Meeting people like that is hard. It just happens and I cherish them very much.

I was at Dorie's birthday party at K-ZONE. Looking at her having fun with friends that she's only semi-close with.. is kinda depressing. Some people came out just because they want to party. Some people came out just because they want to drink. Some people came out because they want to meet girls.

She was quite drunk last night and sadly her guy friends took advantage of her. I wonder if they are even considered as friends. Meh, I don't want to have friends that would treat me like that. I don't think they would be real to me. They are good party friends.. I guess.

Friends.

Why do I think so much? Maybe it's spring and my hormones are working up? I get so emotional lately that it's eating me alive.

I'm so grateful of my friends. They are so considerate to me :'(
I'll remember this 'til the day I hit my coffin.
They are so mature compared to me. They think about everything.. where as I don't think! = =
I LOVE YOU GUYSSS :'(
I don't think I can ever find any replacements..

So touching. Sigh So touched that I was in tears tonight.

說謊

To You:

我沒有說謊 我何必說謊
愛一個人沒愛到難道就會怎麼樣
別說我說謊 人生已經如此的艱難
有些事情就不要拆穿

So please stop asking me.

Being Yourself

A lot of things are going through my head and I can't get them together. It's like random bubbles popping up everywhere and I just can't connect them. So this is going to be all over the place haha..

"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."~ Dr. Seuss

Few weeks ago, I was and still somewhat am engaged in some new hobbies (snowboarding, watching NBA, cheering Canada on for Olympics, going out for dinner frequently and etc). I couldn't tell whether I wanted to try something new or I just want to find that common interest with that person. Even though I did enjoy those hobbies, but underneath, I felt like I was conforming to that person. I was becoming more like him or her and less of myself.

"I've become so numb I can't feel you there
Become so tired so much more aware
I'm becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you

And I know I may end up failing too
But I know you were just like me
With someone disappointed in you"

The song just popped up in my head.

When there is a common topic/interest you guys can talk about, you feel more engaged in the conversion and more accepted into their worlds. Maybe this is a form of avoiding rejection. You want to do whatever makes the person happy. But are you happy yourself or happy that he/she is happy?

No one should conform to nobody, otherwise everyone would be the same and the world would be a boring place to be. Sometimes, it takes a little courage being yourself. You are not the same person when you are at home youtubing than when you're in class. You are not the same person when you're in DP studying than when you're partying. But all of them is you. I think it just depends which part you are more willing to display. It's not really faking it, but rather not showing the entire truth?

I felt like I lost myself on the way of finding others' acceptance. During reading week, I have slowly pulled myself away from these people. I need to find myself again before talking to them. I think I'm slowly finding myself back (I miss me).

I agree with Dr. Seus' quote. You don't need to be a copy to be liked because they aren't truly liking you. I will cherish those people who like me because I am me.

I hate..

CLIQUES. It is so f*cking annoying.
I hate how when you are inside a groupy..
you just have this natural thing to hate other groups.
It is SO $#%#$%#$%#..
I want to live as an individual..
I SO SEVERELY DISLIKE the groupy things..
Why can't we all chill together?
I think it is fun to meet new people, different people.
Sigh some just like to meet "certain types of people"..people of their own kinds.
They like to be in their safety bubble.
God the more I think about it..the more I hate the cliques idea.
I hate how people have to try so hard to fit in..that is just stupid.
I don't like it when people say.."aren't you hanging out with your groupy?"
What groupy?? I hang out with everyone. Seriosuly. I don't like these labels.
Cause when I try to call people out..They are like..nahhh I don't know them well..
Blah..We're not in the same group..
And I hate it when people plan certain activities just for certain type of people..
I can't believe this person original plan of going to the beach is for COUPLES ONLY.
SAY WHAT?! Are you saying singles can't go to the beach?
Wow I am so ticked off by that. I thought I suggested the idea of going to the beach..

Okay I am cooled down now. = =