說謊

To You:

我沒有說謊 我何必說謊
愛一個人沒愛到難道就會怎麼樣
別說我說謊 人生已經如此的艱難
有些事情就不要拆穿

So please stop asking me.

Being Yourself

A lot of things are going through my head and I can't get them together. It's like random bubbles popping up everywhere and I just can't connect them. So this is going to be all over the place haha..

"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."~ Dr. Seuss

Few weeks ago, I was and still somewhat am engaged in some new hobbies (snowboarding, watching NBA, cheering Canada on for Olympics, going out for dinner frequently and etc). I couldn't tell whether I wanted to try something new or I just want to find that common interest with that person. Even though I did enjoy those hobbies, but underneath, I felt like I was conforming to that person. I was becoming more like him or her and less of myself.

"I've become so numb I can't feel you there
Become so tired so much more aware
I'm becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you

And I know I may end up failing too
But I know you were just like me
With someone disappointed in you"

The song just popped up in my head.

When there is a common topic/interest you guys can talk about, you feel more engaged in the conversion and more accepted into their worlds. Maybe this is a form of avoiding rejection. You want to do whatever makes the person happy. But are you happy yourself or happy that he/she is happy?

No one should conform to nobody, otherwise everyone would be the same and the world would be a boring place to be. Sometimes, it takes a little courage being yourself. You are not the same person when you are at home youtubing than when you're in class. You are not the same person when you're in DP studying than when you're partying. But all of them is you. I think it just depends which part you are more willing to display. It's not really faking it, but rather not showing the entire truth?

I felt like I lost myself on the way of finding others' acceptance. During reading week, I have slowly pulled myself away from these people. I need to find myself again before talking to them. I think I'm slowly finding myself back (I miss me).

I agree with Dr. Seus' quote. You don't need to be a copy to be liked because they aren't truly liking you. I will cherish those people who like me because I am me.

Bad Habit

Maybe it's the people I hang out with.. "It's so gay!" or "That's so retarded!" means nothing to us.. It's just our way of talking.. We say it all the time.. to fill in the blanks lol ..Now that I think about it.. It's really insulting to those people. I think I should eliminate this bad habit~ I don't want to discriminate others~

輕鬆多了

我們的緣份以盡了。
試著不再想他。。我也慢慢適應當中
我忙我的/
突然覺得其實沒有我想像中那麼...
anyways, who cares?
小姐我忙得很

感嘆

有人問我到底喜歡你什麼? 當初可能是被你的甜言蜜語給騙了吧。我呢﹐很容易相信別人。。很容易卸下心房。當初你給我一個莫名的安全感。。好像我可以依賴著你似的。我追求的愛情是最簡單不過的。只是想有一個人愛我﹐保護我﹐陪伴我在我最脆弱的時候。沒錯﹐一開始對你有點反感。認識你之後﹐覺得你是一個不錯的朋友。而跟你單獨相處的時候﹐發現你很可愛。。笑點超低的﹐不過我不就也只是如此。發現你跟我一樣缺乏安全感。雖然你不是很有錢﹐也不是很帥。。可是我重覺得當我真的很需要你的時候。。你會在我身旁。

你對我忽冷忽熱真的很難受。。最近我越來越失去理智了。無法好好的思考。當初你對我的熱情早已離去了。。我也知道。很氣自己為什麼一直糾纏著你。

等待著你有多麼痛苦阿。。我終於要放棄你了。終於還給自己一點自由。我也不想在煩你了。你根本也不想跟我說話。 我覺得我自己很多餘。。很失敗。

已經幾個月了。。是時候該放下了。

Never felt so invisible in my life

He remembers that he has to watch Blind Side with his "friend" (assuming his friend is a girl.. who else wants to watch blind side..), but he doesn't remember Saturday..

Anney is always forgotten
because Anney is never wanted..

12星座暗戀歷程

白羊座=最不懂掩飾的暗戀
白羊座望著暗戀對象時的眼神與平時不同，通常不敢直視對方，在對方面前說話
會面紅耳赤。白羊座求學時已經有暗戀異性或老師的經驗，但缺乏表白勇氣。

金牛座=最沉默的暗戀
如果暗戀是以不讓暗戀對象發現而論成敗的話，金牛座必定榮登榜首。金牛座最
容易暗戀工作/學習上有緊密接觸的異性，不展開追求的原因可能是對方早已心
有所屬或兩人的年齡和背景不相配。金牛座可以偷偷地喜歡一個人10年8年，對方
一點都不察覺。

雙子座=最飄忽的暗戀
雙子座的暗戀感情不穩定，很難長期暗戀單一對象，而且熱得急時亦冷得快，暗
戀情懷剛淡忘，又會暗戀另一位異性。暗戀是雙子座生活中不可缺少的一環。

巨蟹座=最癡心的暗戀
巨蟹座一旦暗戀上對方就會非常癡心，感情上較為自閉，會極力隱藏愛意，但是
做得不夠徹底，容易留下蛛絲馬跡。巨蟹座暗戀時心神不定，在暗戀對象身邊與
別人說話時，目光會不時轉到暗戀對象那邊去。

獅子座=最口硬心軟的暗戀
嘴巴不說愛上對方，行為上已經完全傾向於對方的階段，屬於口硬心軟的類型。
自尊心太強，任何情況下都會否認暗戀。害怕因為暗戀而被人取笑，暗戀對象要
反過來裝成暗戀獅子座的人，二人才有較高的戀愛發展機會

處女座=最起伏不定的暗戀
處女座即使早知自己在暗戀對方，也要先確認自己的想法。要是暗戀對象是相識
的朋友，處女座會多次接近對方，為的是試探自己的心意。一旦確定自己真的喜
歡對方，會主動接近地方，將暗戀發展成明戀。

天秤座=最易受傷的暗戀
天秤座暗戀初期已經確定自己與暗戀對象不會有結果，認為暗戀只會帶來感情的
挫折，所以極力迴避自己暗戀的對象。要是暗戀對象反過來示好，小天秤可能會
更痛苦。

天蠍座=守株待兔的暗戀
被看上的人通常不會知道小天蠍在打自己的主意，除非暗戀對象非常容易入手。
天蠍座的暗戀過程會相當漫長，可以默默等上2、3年，直至暗戀對象的戀情出現
問題，小天蠍就會突然出現成為戀情的第三者。

人馬座=最缺乏信心的暗戀
人馬座看到合適的異性，鼓不起勇氣追求對方或者刻意接近對方。對人馬座來說
，暗戀是無從入手或者不能落手的棋局。他們經常徘徊於情愛與放棄之間，不知
應否表白愛意。

山羊座=最勇往直前的暗戀
山羊座享受追求的樂趣大於被追求。他們通常是曾經追求對方可惜被拒，但自己
又無法放棄才會發展成暗戀。山羊座暗戀意志堅定，除非對方名花有主。

水瓶座=最感情豐富的暗戀
水瓶座容易暗戀人，隨時會暗戀只是見面一兩次的陌生人。水瓶座的暗戀次數很
多，在工作/學習的地方最容易令水瓶座陷入暗戀，而且可能同一時間內暗戀幾位
性格完全不同的異性。

雙重座=喜歡取捨的暗戀
雙重性格的雙魚座在談戀愛時常會暗戀另一位異性。暗戀通常是雙魚座心底最大
的秘密。要是發現沒有談戀愛的雙魚座在暗戀自己，那就要多加留意，可能小雙
魚在同一時間暗戀著兩個人，正在取捨之間。你要在雙魚座做出取捨前表明愛意，
戀愛成功機會較大。

I am a looser, literally.

I feel really bad about myself. My self-esteem/confidence is so low that I dislike myself for being like this. When people tell me about my wrongs that I already know, it makes me feel even worse. I'm so pathetic.

I don't like to be alone. I feel insecure sometimes. I enjoy acceptance. Rejection makes me scared. I want to be loved and protected. I want to find someone who makes me feel like I am amazing. However, every guy I've met makes me feel like crap. Maybe afterall, it is my problem.

When they used to say, it is not your fault.. He's just a jerk. But after several guys, it makes me think.. Maybe it is my problem. It's so fustrating too because I don't know my problem.

I hate the feeling of getting pushed away. I feel more and more out of control these days.
What is wrong with me? So many unnecessary thoughts run through my mind.

I am jealous. I am jealous of couples who love each other. I am jealous of singles who can cope well. I am jealous of singles who are having fun. I am jealous of kids who doesn't give a damn. I am jealous of the guys who gets away easy.

My hunger for having someone has grown so strong.. It is SO hard to keep in mind what I had in mind in September. What were my plans? I don't remember them anymore. I am living without any restrictions..

I've become this boring and needy person..
I feel so shit about myself..
Every time..
Every time it's like this...
I am starting to remember why I don't want to accept another person again..

Love never wanted me

MWUAHAHAH..

That's right. No more miss nice lady!
Game on again.
Anney is in the game. She's gonna play better than before.
She is going to play all of you.
She is a winning player =D

FAN

When is being too persistent too persistent?

Investment

Recently I've been thinking about buying a good pair of snowboard goggles. Hopefully by the end of the term, I've master the skill of snowboarding. Planning to buy a snowboard set sometime in October/November.. then I'll go snowboarding every weekend! Yeh!!!!

Reading alot of review on snowboard goggles.
Sigh so much to readdddd.. Can't decide which one to day XD

Hobbies

Summer: Homegirl life
- Watching youtube
- Exercise with Carmen
- Shopping
- Movies

Fall: Party animal life
- Knitting
- Drinking
- Partying
- Clubbing
- Socializing

Winter: Tomboy life
- Gym
- Watching NBA
- Reading romance novels
- Snowboarding
- Scrabble

Spring: No life

Get rich or die trying

My white roomie just told us she is subletting her place for spring term..
cause she just bought a house on university tonight!
Wow she's 4th afm going for her masters..
I mean shes just as young as us!
So good.. to buy a house using your own money..
that feeling must be great. I wish I can do that in the near future too..
But unlikely ahah..
JESS AND KX PLEASE GET A HOUSE AND SUBLET TO ME LOL

What's on my mind?

I don't like him anymore, so I shouldn't even care what he's up to now. Whatever my friend said was right. Who cares, huh? It is weird.. I used to like to complain and whine a lot about these things to people.. I think I've grown out of it.. not in a way I would like it to be tho.
I don't know why, but I feel slightly uncomfortable when talking about him. But I don't like him anymore so why would I feel uncomfortable, right? I know it's weird. I'm weird lol

Yesterday I woke up with a really bad dream.. It was about him. Was my subconscious telling me that I still care or haven't moved on yet? I think I have tho. It's been so long. Plus he is not the same person anymore either. There shouldn't be any feelings lingering on. Yes I'm trying to rationalize so that I can feel better for myself.

And there is also him. He doesn't even give a shit about me. Sigh..what the hell am I doing?

The thought of Valentine's day scares me. I don't like the feeling of being alone in general. The celebration of Valentine's day makes me feel more alone than I already am. They will have a lovely time together. I, on the other hand, is single and to spend the day by myself. The other him is probably too busy with his sports or hanging out with his friends. Why does it take me forever to move on? Maybe I should see some counselor or something. I mean I can't even handle these little situations. What if one day I'm divorced? How am I going to react LOL sorry my imagination just ran wild on its own :)

Ha. Karen just told me that her ex-crush asked if they still have a chance. She gave him an absolute NO. I'm very proud of you and admire your clear-headedness. I think I lack independence lol.

Yesterday I was out the entire day. First I went snowboarding. At first.. I still have undesired thoughts on my mind. But snowboarding down hill made me feel like everything has flown off my shoulders. I felt so much lighter in a way. After snowboarding.. I was going to meet up with Yunyi at Sweet Dreams. Jing came along cause he wanted to get bubble tea.

Anyways, out of coincidence, I encountered Yu-Jeong, Uni, and their guy friend. It was kinda awkward in a way. It's like.. I'm not really close with any of them.. But we're hanging out together. Later Yunyi and Jing's friend came and joined us. So it was 4 group of random people hanging out together lol.

It was pretty fun.. Get to know each of them better :)
Met two new people.. Didn't catch their names/numbers correctly. lol..
Maybe I'll see them sometime again.

I felt pretty good yesterday.. Not having to think of guy-related stuff.
I like having people around me. I like my attention. I like hanging out with people and not thinking about unnesscary things.

固執的我

剛剛發現甲人可能當初在利用我
嗯。。當你發現你被人家利用的時候作何感想?
只是把我當作備胎在看待嗎
難怪那時你說你很對不起﹐我還不明白
現在我懂了
你以為你是誰阿~
被利用的心情很不爽
可是我還是相當朋友
我病了嗎